Standing steady Sitting still Staying silent

There is always a choice. Even choosing to not have a choice is a choice. I have a lot to say, but if I talk, no one can win an argument with me because I out-talk everybody. It is always about who won the argument, never about the message. No matter the emotion, I should not complain, for if I do, I am not perfect (because no human is), who am I to find fault in everything? Afterall, there are others who do so much more, without appreciation and no one hears about it…am I better than them? Staying silent is the option I have chosen.

If I get angry. How dare I be so sensitive. My lack of humor & excess passion makes me take things to personal. Afterall, it’s not that deep.

If I cry, I am too emotional, using my feminine wiles and tears as blackmail.

If I laugh, then it must be that I am making a mockery of the situation – the nerve!

If I agree or smile, then trickery is afoot! I am most certainly using reverse psychology to send mixed signals.

So I stay silent

But if you can’t understand my silence, can you truly understand my words?

I may not leave because walking away is the cowards way out or because I think too highly of myself that I want to be begged. Either way i need to react so that it can be taken out of context or realize that everyone is replaceable.

Yet, if I stay, I am an obsessed and desperate weakling who is willing to tolerate everything. I have no pride and deserve to be taken for granted. The license to misbehave is now official.

So I stay silent

It is forbidden that I shout. This is an overaction on my part that unleashes the matching gender gaslights – ‘it’s not ladylike/gentlemanly‘ | ‘women should be seen not heard‘ | ‘you are a man, shouting is for women‘ and blah

If my actions pay you back in a similar coin, then it must be my unforgiving nature because I relish revenge – always using a bazooka to kill an ant. How inhuman and unreligious of me to do unto you as you have done onto me. Afterall, 2 wrongs don’t make a right – your action was done unknowingly while mine was done intentionally – @ this point, walk away is no longer the cowards’ way but a viable option for the strong. The contradicting blah blah blah is unending.

So I stay silent.

I choose truth, its just to prove I am better than everyone. I choose to lie, i am still no better than anyone. Either way. hell awaits – destruction of livelihood, insults to my family/ancestors, cancellation to me and disgrace to my future generation.

I respond to manipulate situations or influence decisions in my favor. I have no justifiable reason, only excuses. Anything thing I say or not say, do or not do, is deliberately misinterpreted and used against me;

So I stay silent.

GO FIGURE – Two minutes of silence can be more effective in relieving physical tension than listening to relaxing music. Finally, something science and religion agree on – Silence is golden.

I chose to activate multiple areas of my brain by protecting my amygdalae and hippocampus from triggering the hormonal secretions that can affect my overall well-being.

Advice or opinions? Damned if I do – I am a know-it-all. Of what relevance is my take? What gives me the right to comment? Damned if I don’t – How dare I keep quiet! My silence is narcissistic. Either way, it confirms whatever propaganda, label, agenda or narrative being perpetuated. No matter what I do, I win, which makes me an overall looser, because silence widens the divide and sets the standard.

So I choose me!

I choose the respite that comes from serenity to improve my memory and accelerate the growth of valuable brain cells. I choose the healing power of silence to reduce anything causing my body to release stress hormones or make my blood vessels stiffer.

so I stay silent